BOOK REVIEW: Rules of Protection by Alison Bliss

Rules of Protection (Tangled in Texas #1)
by Alison Bliss (Goodreads, Website, Twitter)
Published by Entangled: Select on August 26th, 2014
Genres: New Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Humor
Format: eBook (314 Pages)
Source: Purchased
Amazon | Barnes & Noble

It’s rule breaker Emily Foster's birthday, and like everyone at The Jungle Room, she just wants to get some action. Unfortunately, she stumbles on the wrong kind, witnessing a mob hit. To protect her, she’s entered into the Witness Protection Program with by-the-book Special Agent Jake Ward as her chaperone.

When the location of their safe house is compromised, Jake stashes Emily deep in the Texas backwoods. The city-girl might be safe from the Mafia, but she has to contend with a psychotic rooster, a narcoleptic dog, crazy cowboys, and the danger of losing her heart to the one man she can’t have.

Jake's as hot as he is infuriating, and she can't help but push all his buttons to loosen him up. Their mutual, sizzling sexual attraction poses a dilemma: Jake’s determined to keep her safe and out of the wrong hands; she’s determined to get into the right ones—his.

Ever read a book that's got you torn between like and love? Well, this debut novel by Alison Bliss is by far one of the most hilarious books I've ever read, but it's also one of the most aggravating reads I've ever come across on.

Rules of Protection kicks off with our heroine enjoying a birthday drink at a bar with a couple of friends, when she accidentally stumbles into the one of the back rooms and witnesses a murder scene by a notorious mob group that's long been on the Police's wanted list. Talk about a birthday surprise. To her rescue is the hot guy she'd met and flirted with earlier, who "surprisingly" turns out to be a Special Agent ready to take her into custody under a witness protection program now that her life is in danger. She gets a new identity under the name of Emily Foster, with Special Agent Jake as her chaperone... or more like babysitter in this case.

Emily Foster wasn't the typical heroine I've read. She didn't have much of a back story mentioned except the fact that she's an orphan, and her real name was never mentioned, but I've also got mixed feelings regarding her character.

At times, Emily is like the Queen of witty conversation and sassiness with extremely no filter, whatsoever...

"Does that approach render most females helpless?"
"I've been known to light a few tires," he [Cowboy] said, winking. "Lucky for you, I'm a fireman."
"You're a fire fighter?"
"Yes, ma'am." [...]
"Well, Cowboy, if my p***y is ever in need of being rescued, then I'll be sure to give you a call. Until then you'll have to play with your own hose."

And there are also times where she's the world's greatest genius.

"How are they going to suckle?"
[...]"Emily, ducks don't have nipples," Jake said.
"Or lips," Hank mumbled [...]
I was confused. "Then why do the babies go under the momma's wings?"
"To get warm," Jake answered [...]
My cheeks warmed. How was I supposed to know? It's not like I was raised on a farm.

Good lord. Looks like somebody never listened during Science class in her elementary years.

However, regardless her hands-on stupidity and infuriating immature antics towards Jake and everything else, she is actually one of the most hilarious characters I've ever read. Reading about her was just epic, and I love it! What makes it so much better is it's written in her POV so we get a first hand experience on her thoughts, which are just beyond funny. She's absolutely a fiesty character who isn't afraid to speak her mind, but at times, her actions appeared too uncalled for, sometimes even done on purpose just to rile up Jake. See what I mean about mixed feelings?

Jake blew hot and cold at the same time. He's attracted to her, but he can't be irresponsible. The typical stoic hero who oozed testosterone all over. He's overprotective, and was ready to take a bullet for the people he cares about. Though, sure enough, he did add on to the hilarity of the whole story, especially with Emily and him together.

All the characters in this book -- main and secondary -- are absolutely well rounded and fit well into the story. Every character had its own spot on personality that made them all stand out, and not seem to be simply extras for additional content. Reading about them altogether is a total riot, especially with Jake's friends; Cowboy, Ox and the others. I couldn't help but laugh at the scenarios thrown in by the author no matter how ridiculous they may seem.

Although the synopsis suggests an action novel; at least majority of the book only consisted of Jake and Emily frolicking in the country side along with their new found friends, which appeared to be kind of dragging since I had been looking forward to a good balance of action and romance, but the action aspect of the story did pick up towards the end, which appeared to be somewhat fulfilling and not at all shallow.

This book made me laugh and made me sigh in frustration at the same time, but all in all, it was a fun read. If you're looking for humorous romance reads, this one is definitely right up your alley.